Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma (NPC), I did not know what it meant, let alone spelling or pronouncing it. I was told that I was suspected to have NPC after an examination of an enlarged lymph node on my left neck. NPC is a malignant tumor spread from an area behind the nose via the blood stream, it is most common in Southern China and almost exclusively affects Cantonese; amongst the top three occurring cancers in Hong Kong for many years. I was confirmed to have NPC by blood test for the Epstein-Barr (EB) virus and Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) in the hospital. The dice was set as the biopsy (taking some tissue from my nostril for detection of cancerous growth) result finally confirmed the suspicion.

The first reaction of my wife and myself were shocks and disbelief. I was at the peak of my physical well-beings. At 42, I worked out in the gym 3-time a week and did a 30-minute run 3-times a week, I had never felt fitter all my life. I had a happy family with my wife and our 12 year-old son, and I loved my academic job in the University. My work kept me very busy and occasionally stressed. The cancer got me while I was at my prime.

The question of  "Why Me?" raised many times in my mind, I am certain that all patients will ask the same question when facing the momentous threat of their life. I learned after many sleepless nights that there is no answer to such a rhetorical question. I might as well ask "Why am I here?" or "Where are we heading in our life?" Having a cancer in your body is like a reverse lottery and I was randomly selected for such a "gift". Being selected, I had only two choices: "passively wait for my turn or positively face the treatment and see what I am given."

For my part, I was really enjoying life and determine to give the best fight of my life for my life. My wife told me, "to survive this crisis is the biggest achievement of your life". She promised to give all her support during my treatment (and she has never missed a session accompanying me to treatment or consultations). I told myself that I must stay in good physical and mental shape. My son was very optimistic, like any 12-year-old, he believed that there is nothing on earth that his father could not handle.

For a man who had very little previous contact with medicine, the uncertainties of the treatment depressed me a lot. The pain and their side effects seem daunting initially. My first reaction was to draft my will and discuss options with my wife upon my departure in the most tactful way possible.

However I stayed positive throughout my treatment, I wrote the following in my diary just before the treatment:

"As far as we known, NPC has a strong genetic predisposition with certain environment factors for its cause. My Chinese ancestry provides me with the splendors and grandeur of an ancient civilization; it also makes the possible fatal connection. This is ironic for a multicultural man (a Hong Kong born Chinese brought-up in Australia) that my roots finally caught up with me. It would catch up with me irrespective of where I lived. It provided the ultimate end to my identity crisis."

"As for me, after I have learned more about the NPC treatment and its schedule, I have come to accept this illness as my destiny. It is God's wish and I have no alternative but to accept my fate, do my best and to accept its outcomes. I know that the treatment can at least extend my life, and I also know that NPC can be healed with treatment and luck (i.e. I will die of something else). One other way to look at life is to see its greatness. I have a beautiful life, filled with tears and joys, fulfilled aspirations and minor achievements. Whatever the outcome of my fate, I will accept it with thanks, with pride, and definitely with no regrets. Any extension of my life could be seen as a bonus, which should be earned. Whichever way I am looking at it, I know that life at this stage should only be positive and cheerful if I want it to have a purpose and to stay sane."

K T KO, Last updated: 1st September 2001